I cannot be severed from You. The day that You found me, You carved Your name in me. You are not near me, You dwell within me. You have rushed through every vein, and You support every breath. My thoughts pass by Your eyes, and Your hands are the walls of my heart. When I look, where can I not find You? Every part of me knows You. My need still reaches out for You, every second. My heart would fail me at the sound of a tear… it would all together kill me to split from You.
Everyday I find myself enraptured by Your love. What is desired in a man is kindness, and You have been the one to show me that kindness. Every time You extend Your hand to me, I can fully yield to You. There has never been a moment where I feel like I need to pull back. All of me can be poured into You without hesitation or uncertainty. I don't have to worry about You forsaking me… I know that You never will.
My heart remembers the day when You met me. You know where You brought me from. You were the only one to break through the crowd of those who hated me. They had arrows for eyes, and their mouths devised violence. They tied cords around my neck, and pressed my face to the dirt. They said I could not have You, that You would never come, that You didn't want me. But there was always a flutter of hope that they were wrong. I steadily looked to the ground to keep from being pierced by those who taunted me. They kicked at my sides to see if I would bite back. They laughed and beat me as a piñata to see what would burst out. I was examined like a lab rat to see how I would react. I had been a thorn in their sides because I did not fulfill their expectations. It was joyful to them to see me lie there, defeated by their every scheme. I was a joke to them, nothing but a useless toy.
Jesus, had You not pursued me, I would never have known Your love for me. My heart deeply loves You, because You were gracious to me. You did not even expect me to meet You half way. I was weak and pathetic. You saw what I saw, shuffling feet of those who scorned me. The flutter of hope that I had, gave a desperate nudge when I saw Your feet before me. Your feet were strong and immovable. You were positioned in grace, and mounted in mercy. Life awakened my eyes. You lowered Yourself to me. You found me. All of those who stood around me became ashamed when they found out that You loved me, when You held my face and told me I was worthy. They fled and were afraid. I was covered with dry blood and cracked mud, but You looked at me like I was one of Your very own. All this time, and You did want me. All of the lies were shut up with just one look in Your eyes.
My Lord, thank You for claiming me… and not leaving me to the mercy of my enemies. I am thankful for every mark of suffering along the way. My afflictions have been my teachers. Every bitter thing is sweet. Pain brings me to You. My happiness glories in You. I have crawled on bare hands and knees through briers just to reach You, so my sores are for You, and gladly. These scars remind me of two things: how You save, and who I do not want to become. You saved me from rejection; I never want to reject. You saved me from malice; I never want to hate. You saved me from lies and doubt, so I love, love, love, truth… and require it of myself to keep integrity. I love what is on the other side of nightmares. I know You have stripped me of strongholds and walls that could reach the sun, that it has left me tender and vulnerable. But You also have cupped Your hands over me, and You never let me out of Your sight.
Jesus, I have made up my mind. If I go alone… then I go alone. It's not the worst thing. The worst thing is to fear. I am tired of being afraid. Your fingerprints are all over me. When the evil find me, they can identify my Defender. All I see is You now… and those who fear You and love You surround You. You have brought me from out of the scorching sun into Your pleasant shade. I know You are holding something in Your hands… that You will soon open them to me. In the meantime, I continue to say that I love You … and that I never want to be apart from You, not even a moment.
