I Am Staying With You

Agitation has pummeled the air… it swings blows as swift and sharp winds, with the intent to wipe out the source of its provoked nerve. Fear of not finding it advances its chaotic force. Understanding has saved me from its lacerating passes. Violent gusts have scattered the horizon I used to see; yet my feet remain steadfast on a sure foundation. I have been taught to kneel and wait here, to not fear. The more I wait, the more it blasts my face with shrilling howls. I know it’s afraid, and has every right to be… because I know the One coming, and how every step of His stride comes with the peace to trample over every evil ambush.

My heart calls for You, and here You are, coming to me. You never fail. The assault on my vision and hearing does not obstruct the confidence of Your salvation. By now, I know Your form with out seeing. I know Your manner without hearing.

Once You have reached me, I observe Your motioning. In Your hand You hold Your cup. You move Your hand over its top and gently trace along the edge with Your finger. Between the shafts of friction, I begin to discern a narrow ring perforating through. Each swipe across the brim of Your cup coveys a more absolute ring than the one before, now becoming the reigning sound to me. What I now hear becomes what I see. Your unbroken ringing disturbs the chaos and ricochets its rage. You always save. At last, You tip Your cup and place it over me. All sounds are snuffed out and I fall asleep….

This day is different from all others. I wouldn’t have to have lived forever to know this. The day itself reveals to me it has never been so downcast. It holds the earth of this one moment as a mother cradling her dying child. I looked to the ground to see the ground arrayed with a trail of blood that ended behind a crowd of people. I now knew where I was, and took on the same sickening anguish that plagued the day.

His blood mixed with the dirt alone unleashed rivers from my eyes. I had to see Him, to go after Him, to love Him. The agony of seeing Him kept me to the ground, but I had to keep crawling. No one can comfort His loneliness; I just needed to see Him. The people were expressing hatred through stones or love through wails… Finally I saw through to where He laid limp and worn. Shaking went through my body and my heart sweltered within me.

His head fell to the side and He found me watching Him, and with the weakest nod He strengthened me, and He allowed me to come to His broken body.

I took His head in my hands and held Him across my lap, weeping my love over Him. These eyes I see are the ones saving me. The skin of His body lay as ribbons over His bones. Beyond every blink of His swollen eyes I see the love and obedience to finish. When He looks at me, I am fully convinced nothing can tear me from Him. The more He gazes, the more I am His. I barely notice the puncture of His thorns as I hold Him close to me. These wounds are Yours just as they are mine. As I wrapped around Him, he began to take all my past pains and take them on as His own, almost as if they magnetically left me to attach to Him. Just as Your blood seeped into this dirt, so has Your blood stained me, who came from dust. There is no leaving You now.

I wish I could follow You to the end. I wish I could be with You through all of it… but I know this is Yours. The only way He knew I would let Him go now was with the glimmer of a smile, assuring me this was the very reason He laid down His life. I didn’t think it was possible, but just with a joyful twinkle from His eyes, hope resurrected my heart.

Not too long after, He was taken from my grasp and carried away. Merciless sobs controlled me, and all I could do was hope for tomorrow, and the next, until I would see Him again…

And I know the Day is coming… and how we have no idea… we have no idea what comes from the strength of Your countenance. With one look, the wicked will know a dread that will frantically claw at their bodies to escape Your face. And with one look, the ones who love You, obey You, and fear You will overwhelmingly rejoice in You.

I feel Your hands burning my heart and making it new. I just want to stand blameless before You when You come for us… sometimes that’s all I can hope for, and it’s more than enough to me.