Before You

Father, I feel You. Dark clouds may send lightening to strike me, and thunder may violently shake the ground beneath me, but it doesn't concern me. The breeze of Your passing by holds me still. Your soft word rides upon the coming wind, brushing peace against me at the break of its wave. They roll away, just to return again, and again. You place Your peace on its circuit, reviving and restoring. The ground broke open with its dried roots grasping my legs to drag me down. You collected Your words and spun them as a whirlwind to surround me. Your defense spiraled my body as a weightless feather and sharply divided the splintered vines. They snapped back and recoiled beneath the earth. Peace sailed through and securely placed me in You.

When I am awake, I feel You. When I close my eyes, I am before You.

The walls of this room pulsate with You. You blanket the floors as they brace for Your coming. The dark corners murmur of Your mysteries, pining to manifest in Your light. The air fastens to cling to You when You appear. Any moment. At any moment, You will be here. So I close my eyes and wait. Every rest allures You closer and closer. Once my heart stoops, I know that You, my King, have come.

Your eyes speak to me as a dream. I love Your face. This room hovers together over Your shoulders to cherish every word that forms from Your lips. I too can hardly take the anticipation of what You will say to me. You look into my heart to stretch its borders, making room to occupy Your voice. My heart can no longer contain Your love that cascades over me. Tear races after tear the more You make home with me. You hold my face and wipe the tears that name my smothered heart.

Your sound breaks and ripples all the way through. Everything in me melts like wax and makes way for the flood of Your healing. Nothing withholds from You. Everything reaches to be touched by You.

You tell me that no one can take this from me, that You have brought me here for Your purpose. You tell me that I may sit among lions that thrash against me with their paws and chomp at me with their hungry teeth, but that You sit before me holding my hands and keeping my gaze. You tell me to focus on You, and not give heed to the lions that encircle me with their condemning chant. Your words and Your words alone contain the commands of my life.

I open my eyes to see Yours teaching me how You understand. What You desire in me does not cause You to pound Your fist in my face. You whisper Your desire over and over until my heart sways and my spirit follows. Your patience eases through. Your kindness lessens my grip allowing Your hands to mold Your image. You hold my chest and breathe Your grace into the lungs of my life. I expand with Your mercy, and I release Your love. This is walking with You. This is life with You.

The room is silent, drenched in the heaviness of Your presence. The dark corners stretch for Your holiness. You join them both, creating a deep, blue halo beaming from Your caring demeanor. Your attention dropped to my hands. Curiosity brought me to the awareness of my hands, and I did not realize they held something. I especially did not expect for them to hold something You desired. The thought of having something to lay before You downpoured a gratitude too heavy to possess.

You opened my fingers and gently took what I held. I saw what it was, and as much as I pressed and grinded to make it pleasing, it wasn't admirable at all. Yet, Your eyes squinted above Your pleased smile. Then You became very serious, with an intense passion, as if you were holding the only thing You valued. You turned from me and walked towards the center of the dark room where a subtle and living light beamed down. You placed Your knee down and spread what was in my hands on the ground, in the light.

I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. My heart sank so low with awesome wonder. I sat down before Him, and watched Him as He studied what was before Him. Back and forth, He surveyed with His gentle eyes. So many tears blurred my vision. As one fell, I could see for a moment. But soon, another one came. My tears were worshiping Him. My Creator…. the Creator, was touching and breathing life into what He took from me. I thought it was ugly, but He touched it, and He crowned it as lovely. He returned to me from where I sat and bent down, kissed my forehead as I closed my eyes. My heart sealed what He showed me and I awoke.

When I am awake I feel Him, when I close my eyes, I see Him.

Jesus, I thank You that when turbulence comes and the windy storm causes sand to fill in Your footprints, that You pull me through with Your voice. I hear You and You alone… the voice of my Shepherd.