My Soul, Wait Silently For God Alone

"Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys the voice of His Servant? Who walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely upon His God." -Isaiah 50:10

There is a place that I have found in You where nothing hinders me from seeing Your face. Up above, there is a noise that is not familiar, it doesn't quite ring true to who You are. When I heard Your name, it pulled me under. I gave no fight to stay above. Your voice pulled my heart down like an anchor, and when I reached the bottom, I burrowed in Your hands as You received me. The sound from above no longer stung, all I could hear was the symphony of Your grace and mercy, lacing together what had become unwoven.

I have all of eternity to know who You are, but even now, I see you more clearly than before. All the days of clinging to the dirt, waiting for Your rescue, have led me to this. I can't hide my face from You, and I can't speak because You have ravished my heart. When You show me Your hands, I don't understand why it is that You have written my name on Your palms, but Your love tells me that I don't have to; this passes understanding. When I look away from You, I feel like a dirty rag being held by a righteous King, I feel like I don't fit in the hallows of Your hands. The accuser has no say in the matter when the King has swept me away for saving, even though I may look like something a beggar wouldn't even salvage. Where did the noise come from in the first place? When I look around, I see no one pointing fingers, but I feel it. The words that I hear sound like Yours, but they are vacant of Your truth, they carry no grace. Why do I hear it, but I don't see it?

As I sat in the darkness, I groped for You. I couldn't find You, but I heard You coming. As You came closer, the sound became louder, nagging and prodding, trying to disfigure the One I know. When all became black, all I could do was wait and rely on You. You always seek after Your sheep, so surely You would come. When I became overwhelmed in my cries, and my throat dried up from panting, You picked me up and carried me away. The darkness that was thick now seemed like a vaporous cloud; it just whiffed under Your feet as nothing. When You raptured me, and held me in Your fire, Your truth spoke so smoothly, with no confrontation to come up behind as to twist it. Why did I feel reproach when I looked into Your face and saw pure desire? If my Judge didn't even condemn me, then who did? No one even sat in my company. And then I realized, I had dethroned the one who is Just, and lorded all things over me by my own will. Why have I picked up stones against myself and allow my heart to condemn me. Father, forgive me of this. I know that You are greater than my heart, and You know all things.

We meet here as before. I embrace Your feet at the cross as Your blood rushes over me, washing all the stains that were imprinted on me when I went astray. Let Your fire blaze through all that exists in me so that I can forever behold Your face. My heart lays bare before You; You are mindful of all its workings…You be my Judge. No one, including myself, knows me like You do. Your correction is accompanied with Your mercy, but above, where the static convicts, it brings nothing but a death sentence spoken with words from a mouthful of fangs. Below, where You have pulled me, is where Your peace ministers to me. Thank You for leading me here.

Jesus….my Savior, my body writhes in its longing for You, and my tears continually fall at Your feet, because I miss You, because I can't wait to see You. I hear the anticipation in Your footsteps to gather us to Yourself, and it makes me tremble. Let me sleep in Your arms, let me rest here. "As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness" (Psalm 17:15).